Essaying

Writing an essay often feels like it takes up a huge portion of your life. For a week straight you're in essay mode, eat, sleep, thing said topic. The only thing that really get's me through is tea, coffee and beautiful music. I'm always surprised at what I actually listen to, all the music that goes into this essay the prof will never know about. Movie soundtracks are mainly my thing, I'm listening to October Sky, there's a rusticness about it that I really love.
I'm always amazed how much the bible pertains to our life. Every week I feel like God is speaking to me through his bible, something I didn't even think was really relevant to my life. Whoda thought that it actually does really speak to your life as your living it. It's not coincidental it really is a living word. I've been thinking alot about one particular verse in Phillipians where Paul basically says we become our true selves by spreading the gospel. This is a crazy concept. It's put's everything else out of whack. Coming of age movies, growing into yourself, learning about yourself movies, are hit sellers, imagine one that followed a girl spreading the gospel and her becoming more her true self?

Grey

I have been struggling with this for a while now, why is it when it comes to faith everything seems like it always has to be black and white? What about all the grey areas? And does the stuff we get riled up about even matter in the end anyways? Can I just be a Christian who follows Jesus and what he says about love and not get too involved in Scripture?

What does one say about a deathaversary? It's funny I haven't told anyone and probably won't it's been 9 years, since dad left, and I think the only person who remembers is probably my mom and a used to be friend. I can only remember small details, I wonder if one day it will be all a blur, and his picture will fade. I have weird dreams sometimes when he's there, but even in the dream I know it's a fantasy. Is this how everyone feels and deals with death. Is there one day when you wake up and all you can see is a blur of a photo, a fleeting memory? I hope not.
It's strange that people say it get's easier, but I really don't think it does, sometimes I can just get so upset about it, and you have to ask yourself, hold one wait a second how am I getting so upset about something that happened so long ago, and you feel embarrassed for crying about it. What do people think, do they think your ridiculous or is it just a void people don't cross or attempt to understand.