Essaying

Writing an essay often feels like it takes up a huge portion of your life. For a week straight you're in essay mode, eat, sleep, thing said topic. The only thing that really get's me through is tea, coffee and beautiful music. I'm always surprised at what I actually listen to, all the music that goes into this essay the prof will never know about. Movie soundtracks are mainly my thing, I'm listening to October Sky, there's a rusticness about it that I really love.
I'm always amazed how much the bible pertains to our life. Every week I feel like God is speaking to me through his bible, something I didn't even think was really relevant to my life. Whoda thought that it actually does really speak to your life as your living it. It's not coincidental it really is a living word. I've been thinking alot about one particular verse in Phillipians where Paul basically says we become our true selves by spreading the gospel. This is a crazy concept. It's put's everything else out of whack. Coming of age movies, growing into yourself, learning about yourself movies, are hit sellers, imagine one that followed a girl spreading the gospel and her becoming more her true self?

Grey

I have been struggling with this for a while now, why is it when it comes to faith everything seems like it always has to be black and white? What about all the grey areas? And does the stuff we get riled up about even matter in the end anyways? Can I just be a Christian who follows Jesus and what he says about love and not get too involved in Scripture?

What does one say about a deathaversary? It's funny I haven't told anyone and probably won't it's been 9 years, since dad left, and I think the only person who remembers is probably my mom and a used to be friend. I can only remember small details, I wonder if one day it will be all a blur, and his picture will fade. I have weird dreams sometimes when he's there, but even in the dream I know it's a fantasy. Is this how everyone feels and deals with death. Is there one day when you wake up and all you can see is a blur of a photo, a fleeting memory? I hope not.
It's strange that people say it get's easier, but I really don't think it does, sometimes I can just get so upset about it, and you have to ask yourself, hold one wait a second how am I getting so upset about something that happened so long ago, and you feel embarrassed for crying about it. What do people think, do they think your ridiculous or is it just a void people don't cross or attempt to understand.

Are there types of people whom people just don't connect with or is that just made up? I look at some of the great people who have lived on this earth, Beethoven, Einstein, not exactly known for their social skills..Did the world just turn a blind eye to these people, or did they purposely set themselves away from the rest of the world. I know for me, its so easy for me to be alone, and I like having my own time, but I also feel the need to speak with people, whether it be just everyday chit chat or meaningful conversations. What makes some people more compatible with other people, and why are certain people drawn to other people? My friend, Lydia thinks it has to do with scents, and the odor our bodies emit (at least relationship wise) We also question why we are friends at all. We have few common interests, different lifestyles and yet during the summer we are two peas in a pod. She claims to have made me a "hug person" and maybe shes right, in my family physical contact such as hugs is not an everyday occurence. Anyways just some thoughts, signing off from the public library

soulmates

I was just reading a blog, and the person spoke about waiting for love. It takes a while, my friend told me that I'm the type of person who doesn't have handfuls of boyfriends but when I find that person he'll be the one. One is all it takes. Its hard not to be anxious and envious of other people in relationships but sometimes its worth the wait. Or i guess its always worth the wait. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one, I couldn't imagine spending that much time and energy on something that was just ho hum.

Perfect Weather

Today was the perfect temperature, a windy fall like day, I could not be happier:)

Bread

I love making bread, theres something about it thats so wholesome and pure. Kneading the dough, letting it rise and eventually baking it, the smell of fresh baked bread is I can't even describe it. Who wants to buy bread from the store, it's not warm and fresh and doughy. Theres a reason why fresh bread lasts about 4 days before it goes hard and stale, while bread from the store lasts up to 2 weeks and in Wonder bread forever! What are we feeding eachother?